Naruto Counts to One Million
by Rikkudo
Summary: Come up with a worse idea. I dare you.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **If anyone claims that _I'm_ responsible for the latest developments in the manga, I won't hesitate to proverbially punch them in the face.

**Author's Note: **This is by far the dumbest idea I've ever had. Ever. Flames are encouraged for this one.

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**Naruto Counts to One Million**

The Dumb Beginning

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Many things could be said about Uzumaki Naruto in the later years of his life.

He was strong, strong enough to have survived the worst Fourth Great Shinobi War, strong enough to have earned the respect of the Bijū themselves. His charisma made people _want _to fight for him, for his cause and his beliefs. He was a man who led by example, the kind of person who would never let anyone die for him if he had anything to do about it.

He was a hero.

The same could not be said for six-year-old Naruto.

No, six-year-old Naruto was a noisy little brat who would do anything for attention. Granted, life had dealt him a hard hand, but he was still a rather annoying child by society's standards, even if they hadn't been actively shunning him (which only made things ten times worse).

Yet, if there was one thing that never changed in the ten years until Naruto fought alongside his comrades to save the world, it was his stubbornness.

In the war, that stubbornness was downright useful. A warrior ally who refuses to die and never stops fighting? Amazing!

In Naruto's childhood, however, it made him an absolute nightmare.

Toys could never be taken away, timeouts could never be given, because in the end the little hellion would escape and wreak his vengeance. He was truly considered to be a lost cause by the vast majority. If he wasn't the living reincarnation of the Kyūbi itself, he was a good-for-nothing brat. Either way, he was ignored.

Naruto did not like being ignored.

He would do _anything_ not to be ignored.

It is with this in mind that we see how Naruto wasted a good two weeks of his life.

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"You can't play with us, Naruto!"

This was a typical scenario, unfortunately. A certain blond boy would follow the other boys after their classes in the Academy were over to the nearby playground, simply looking for the vaguest sense of companionship.

His peers were not of the same mind.

"Get lost!"

"We don't want you here!"

"We've told you a million times! You can't play with us!"

In all fairness, they were really just copying the way they had seen the adults interacting with Naruto. Monkey see, monkey do.

Whiskered cheeks scrunched up at the unfairness of it all, but only for a moment. An instant later, a smile that was a _bit _too cheerful was plastered across his face.

"Aw, why can't I? Why can I never play with you guys?"

One of the fatter boys stuck out his tongue. "Because you're stuuuuuupid!" he taunted, drawing out the insult for emphasis.

Naruto stopped smiling. "Take that back!" he cried.

A reedy boy with glasses smirked. They had hit a nerve. "Why should we? Everyone knows you're the class idiot."

Said idiot was clenching his fists so hard that the knuckles were turning white.

The self-proclaimed leader of the group chose that moment to speak up. "Yeah, we won't play with anyone who has trouble _counting_."

The boys laughed loudly at that.

Naruto's jaw dropped; this was _not_ what he had been expecting. "I can _too_ count, 'ttebayo!" he challenged.

His defense was met with sneers of disbelief. "Oh yeah?" the leader said. "I bet you can't even count to a thousand!"

It was stupid. The entire _thing_ was stupid. But these were kids, and to them, this was serious business.

Manly pride was hanging in the balance.

The group of boys started laughing, but slowed to a stop when they saw Naruto's furious expression. This was the expression that he would one day wear when he took Kabuto's fist head-on. This would be his expression when he took down Pein during the attack on Konoha. _This_ would be the face of a warrior one day.

Naruto wasn't a warrior just yet, but the look in his eyes was still downright terrifying. "I'll show you!" he declared, pointing at the leader. "I'll count all the way to a _million_!"

Everyone stared in shock before the boys looked at each other and started laughing again. Poor Naruto could only stand there, trembling with helpless rage.

"I'll do it! I'll do it!" He screamed and he shouted. He stomped and he yelled. But nothing would make those boys stop laughing.

Eventually, Naruto decided that he'd had enough.

"One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight!"

The boys stopped laughing in favor of staring with utter disbelief.

The boy with glasses took a step forward, even as Naruto kept on screaming out numbers. "Is this idiot actually—"

Naruto heard him, and ended up doubling his volume as a result. "NINETEEN! TWENTY! TWENTY-ONE! TWENTY-TWO! TWENTY-THREE!"

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**Author's Note: **Reviews are nice, but flames are better! In any case, the next half of this short will be up soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Kishimoto has a lot to answer for . . .

**Author's Note:** _Just like before, please don't forget to flame. _:D

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**Naruto Counts to One Million**

Part II

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This was an unusual day in Konoha. That wasn't to say that day-to-day activities weren't taking place. The sun was shining in a clear blue sky, the streets were packed with merchants and vendors, and money flowed like water. The shopping district of the Hidden Leaf Village was truly an impressive sight.

Kunai, swords, shuriken, poisons: there truly was nothing that one couldn't find here.

This was the center of Konoha, the backbone of its economy.

Here, merchants were selling, shoppers were shopping, shinobi were strolling, ANBU were prowling, and Uzumaki Naruto was counting.

"Sixteen-thousand-five! Sixteen-thousand-six! Sixteen-thousand-seven!"

No one quite knew what to make of the boy who had just plopped down in the middle of the busy street like he belonged there and started screaming out numbers. He had been counting like this for a very long time now.

All throughout the shopping district, people stopped and stared. Was that little pest desperately trying to get attention again? Well, at least this attempt was relatively harmless as opposed to the usual destructive pranks.

"That kid, I just don't trust him being here!"

"Right? He's got to be up to something!"

A few vendors cautiously checked their wares. Slowly, in case the traps were triggered by motion. This _was_ Naruto. They couldn't afford to underestimate him when it came to pranking.

Strangely, though, nothing happened. No paint balloons (because Naruto was of the opinion that water balloons were for wimps), no bugs (because Naruto knew that most people couldn't _stand_ the things), no odd odors (how the boy could invent such smells, no one knew), and no good old-fashioned tripwire.

It was like he actually _hadn't_ done anything.

"Sixteen-thousand-one-hundred-six! Sixteen-thousand-one-hundred-seven! Sixteen-thousand-one-hundred-eight!"

"What's he hiding?" one of the many observers hissed.

That loud voice in the background of the busy shopping district was in fact the perfect catalyst for insanity. Why? Because everyone who knew Naruto (which was everyone) was _convinced_ that the blond boy was plotting something that would end with them soaking with paint and their belongings in a state of disrepair.

Caution transformed into outright suspicion.

It didn't help that they couldn't really do anything about it, either. Hokage-sama had made it abundantly clear what would happen to anyone who was even remotely hostile towards the boy. So the shoppers and vendors alike settled for ignoring him. It was the perfect loophole to that stupid law.

It didn't _work_.

"Sixteen-thousand-three-hundred-seventy-four! Sixteen-thousand-three-hundred-seventy-five! Sixteen-thousand-three-hundred-seventy-six!"

The brat was impossible to ignore!

Why was he counting?! Why in their shopping district?! Was it actually a count_down?!_

It truly is incredibly what effects paranoia over nothing at all can have on people. One by one, the shopkeepers left along with their precious wares, wanting anything but to be caught up in the utter chaos that was sure to come with Uzumaki Naruto. With them went their customers who had no reason to stay with all the merchandise gone. Soon, the shopping district was completely empty, devoid of all life.

Except for Naruto.

"Seventeen-thousand-fifty-nine! Seventeen-thousand-sixty!"

The boy refused to budge for hours on end.

"Nineteen-thousand-seventy-two! Nineteen-thousand-seventy-three!"

It wasn't until the Sandaime sent in ANBU to round the child up that Naruto was forced to leave. The small-scale operation would have gone off without a hitch, had one of the ANBU not materialized right in front of the boy, eliciting a shriek of surprise.

"Ah! W-who are you?!" he managed after a moment of frozen silence. His throat kinda hurt from all that screaming, but he'd feel better soon enough. "Whaddaya want?!"

A silver-haired ANBU tilted his head. "Uzumaki Naruto is to report to bed. Immediately." The monotone brokered no room for arguments, and Naruto seemed to notice this.

He nodded with reluctance. "F-fine, scary mask guy. Just let me . . . wait . . ." Blue eyes widened to an impossible degree, and an expression of pure defeat crept its way across Naruto's face. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The ANBU squad watched awkwardly as the six-year-old repeatedly smacked his forehead. "Stupid, stupid,_ stupid!_"

He then turned to point accusingly at the silver-haired ANBU. "_You!_" he cried. "You made me lose count!" The way Naruto said those words would make one think that the man had just dumped the last barrel of fresh water _anywhere_ straight into the ocean. "I won't forgive yooouuu!" he howled.

The boy dashed forward, hoping to take the man by surprise, only to find himself running in place with the ANBU holding his face back with an open palm.

"Gnh, why you—!"

ANBU Captain Inu just sighed. _'Minato-sensei, this kid only has your appearance. His personality is all Kushina-nee's.'_

"You bastard! Now I have to start all over, 'ttebayo!"

Kakashi was confused. "Wha—?"

"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!"

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**Author's Note: **_I actually feel ashamed for writing this . . . Eh. At least it's outta my head now._


End file.
